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Memories of “Ms. P”

balloons-latexYesterday as I sipped on my Starbuck’s coffee and ate my favorite thing to go with it, gracious thoughts about my friend “Ms P” entered into my mind. I met her around 2006. Most people I met that year were going through some crisis of one kind or another. She came to me for advice, or maybe just to talk. Talk she did. She was bright, funny, fun, and always fancy free. She was one of the only people I had ever met who truly had a child like spirit, vulnerable, trusting, and had a wild curiosity about so many things.

She especially loved the spirituality I brought to her life. Ms P had a craving to know everything and anything I could tell her. Telling her was always fun and usually met with wide opened eyes and a jaw that enthusiastically dropped. She was a mix of sensitive spirit and wide eyed optimism wherever she went. I remember her as one of my greatest fans, if ministers could have fans. The only thing I could see that she did not like was being told “no” because the phrase “you can’t do that” was just not in her vocabulary. For her, trying was mandatory if it was something she really wanted. I often wondered why she came to meet with me. Maybe she just needed a friend who would understand her.

Sometimes I  thought she was a bit self centered but actually as I look back it was in a good way. I wish I would have looked after my own desires a little more carefully back then. I might have tried more things with a child like optimism. I think one of our greatest faults as people, sometimes, is to not realize all of what we deserve to have. Why do we listen to our inner tapes that repeat “I can’t” more than “I can”? Why do we care so much about what others think of us and leave our dreams sitting on the sideline for fear we wont’ be accepted?

As I look back, maybe Ms P taught me more than I taught her. I can’t explain it, but I think I felt a soft nudge from her as I sipped my Starbuck’s coffee. Words entered into my heart, “You can do this”. I could not help but smile because the memory of hers is such a bright one. We had lost contact for awhile. I suggested something she should not do. That was really not acceptable to Ms P because she went with her heart and no one could tell her otherwise.

I’ve been thinking that maybe a good way to honor a person’s memory is to learn from the goodness they brought to us. I loved her freedom, and her ability to go for what she wanted regardless to what others thought about it. She lived with a great deal of zeal and enthusiasm and it was as contagious as her laugh. She would love that this blog post is about her. There were some very tender vulnerable spots she carried, but mostly she loved being the center of attention. Maybe it was her way to make up for what she thought she lacked. Looking on from the outside one would never feel she lacked anything at all.

We all hide behind one thing or another, but Ms P chose her optimism and child like freedom to hide behind. Now that I take another look at her, it was probably her very best choice.

Loving you from here Ms P,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

**Photo credit from Party City. Ms P would love that!

My New eBook Download “Holy Heart, Holy Fire! Baptism of the Holy Spirit” is Now Available!

Copy of Spring Book CoverARE YOU ACHING FOR FRESH HOLY SPIRIT FIRE IN YOUR WALK WITH CHRIST AND IN YOUR LIFE?
Re-invite Holy Spirit fire into your walk with God! He is your comforter, the compassionate one, your spiritual gift provider, God’s Spirit of Truth, and the One whom Jesus foretold would come in the form of another helper after His ascension. John 14:16 “And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, to be with you forever,

This eBook is in PDF form and now available through my website. Its a workbook, teaching, testimony, and prayer for the Baptism of the Holy Spirit!

It’s a $3.00 donation purchase on my website through Paypal. It soon will also be available for tablet reading through Amazon KINDLE in a few days!

You can find my website PDF purchase at this link:

“Holy Heart, Holy Fire!” 

After your Paypal goes through an email will be sent to you with the PDF attachment. Sorry it is not automated as of yet, but they will go right out ASAP! I will announce when the Kindle version is published!

Here’s to happy study and a new infilling!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

 

Some Days I Just Want to Go Into a Closet and Chew On a Belt!

frustrated-woman.jpgHave you ever experienced a relationship or friendship connection who will always take what you say the wrong way no matter what it is? Or, maybe you have experienced that one friend who is about to make the biggest mistake of her life, but to tell her would rip her heart out (or maybe yours)? The only option is to keep your lips sealed or forever be “that one” who was the “Debbie Downer” in her life party.  Its hard to be connected with very difficult people but in all honesty sometimes its hard to get away from that reality in this world. Frankly, we can all be a bit more difficult than we need to be at times. We all have our seasons. This truth should give us some much needed restraint when it comes to dealing with others, but sometimes thoughts just want to blurt out like a volcano erupting molten lava.

Let me be completely transparent here. My greatest struggle is when I want to fix my significant other’s life issue. I know in my God connected higher mind that I can’t do this for someone. Yet my brain, my heart, and my mouth sometimes won’t receive that same message. Then put in some power packed emotion and before I know it my mouth has a  mind of its own! (You should see the look of horror on my face right now just reliving the thought of some moments when this has happened.)

Then there is that moment when someone not only ruffles my feathers, but plucks them from my peace of mind one by one, in a very torturous way with their words. The minister and rational person in me wants to say, “Would you excuse me for a moment”, step out of the room, and somehow delete the intruding conversation. The very wise, yet sometimes ego touched person in me wants to dig in with all claws and rip a shred into the ozone of the offender because it all hurts just that much.

Lean in here a bit more closely now sisters. Sometimes the struggle is just real enough that the only thing I can do to keep peace in all places is to step into a closet, grab the closest belt, and stick it in my mouth to chew on until the erupting moment passes. I can call this much needed God time if I need to. No matter what I call it, if it keeps my mouth from overloading its purpose then its a worthwhile moment. I know at this point it might be easy to look at me and think I lack some much needed restraint. Actually, it takes a lot of restraint to run in the other direction from an impending verbal “fixer upper fest”.

Wasn’t it Paul in the Bible who verbalized this first? Didn’t he say that the things he wanted to do he ended up not doing and what he should not do he did? Yet, he told us also to pursue peace. I wonder if Paul had his own personal belt he whipped out to chew on when his mouth wanted to express something it should not? We know he had a thorn in his side. Maybe my fixer upper mouth is my personal thorn? I certainly don’t know the answer to all problems but I do try to help when I can. I mean, it IS my calling to do so.

I pray all of the time. I pray for discernment. I pray for wisdom. I pray for restraint. Then when the situation is more overwhelming than I can handle I might end up praying and just chewing a belt at the same time. Whatever brings more peace in my surroundings. I like to do my part!

Just being real,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries 

800-421-1765

**Photo credit: http://travellittleknownplaces.com/friggin-truth-christmas/frustrated-woman/

When Differing Opinions Set Us Apart

IMG_2636.JPGSomeone I knew a long time ago used to say “Opinions are like people’s behinds, everyone has one”. (I cleaned it up a bit for this post). It’s true. We all have an opinion and we could never ever possibly agree all of the time. The cool thing about our country is that we have freedom of speech and voicing our opinions is a real privilege. We should value that privilege because many don’t have it and we also might learn from others.

Our differences should not divide us but inspire us to consider more. Maybe they should inspire us to consider other possible ways of thinking or even believing. When differences are excessive, then we might be way too different to hang around one another and setting ourselves apart is usually necessary. Sometimes our differences can just be one opinion or another though. Shutting those out will deny ourselves the gift of who we are  to one another and also in learning from each other.

I’m so blessed when people don’t delete me when I am struggling because I might need someones opinion. But when they do delete me they deny themselves the ability to be a gift to someone else’s pain. Trivial differences should be let go and we can agree to disagree. Its only when our disagreements have become excessive that we should consider setting ourselves apart. Or maybe if someone is hurting us and it is self preservation to keep them from doing so. Purposefully confrontational people can drag us into the mud very fast and zap our energy.

Personally, I’ve had to distance myself from those whose opinions become domineering and therefore hurtful to me. Or, sometimes I take the hint and back off when I think there are too many issues that can not be resolved. Yet, for those where there are only minor differences of opinion I tend to stick around to learn from one another. We can’t all be the same all of the time or we might end up doing a remake of that old movie “The Stepford Wives” and just become robots or clones of one another.

I don’t like to see people alone and hurting and I sure don’t like to be the one who is dumped onto the side lines of someone’s life over minor things because it DOES hurt.

Sooner or later we need to realize that God gives us the power and strength to be strong for others when they are weaker or even in the face of disagreement. Life is not a race against each other, it is a race we run with God for the regeneration of our soul. During Jesus’ time the outcasts used to be set outside of the city because they did not measure up according to the law. If their sinfulness was adultery they were stoned to death.

I like Jesus’ response regarding a woman who was caught in adultery. “Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Love you anyway,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

(Yep, still called even with all my bumps and lumps)

 

BLESS the Waiting…God is FAITHFUL!

72e9e9e56ad45df4432b96f328f8ba36It might seem like things are taking a very long time, but it has been my witness, when God has someone wait, there is something AMAZING in store! So, keep your patience and your diligence, because there is something AMAZING in store for you if you stay faithful, prayerful, and PRAISE HIM! You might feel like a sardine, all stuffed up inside of yourself just wiggling around in the oil, BUT GOD is perfecting you in His anointing and that oil will spill out on everyone you touch at His most PERFECT TIMING! So , in the mean time…..PRAISE HIM and wait in His oil because it will be so worth it. You will see!

The Lord will pour out His Spirit on ALL flesh! That is HIS promise! Be ready to receive Him because He will NOT fail you! If you are sick in your body, if your heart is aching, if you are stuck in a bad situation, PRAISE HIM because He is faithful to heal, to bind up your wounds, and deliver you from any situation. You have a God of love, but you also have a GOD of POWER and He will never forsake you.

So, you made a mistake? PRAISE HIM! Let Him fill you to overflowing. Holy Spirit Come! He has a fire for you that will never go out. When others forsake you. When financial woes plague you. He will uplift you, because His ways are higher than all of these things. He is a God of refuge and strength. Proclaim all that He is and you will come to know Him in that way!

 

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries 

When You Date the “Lemon”

if-you-were-happy-with-the-wrong-one-imagine-how-happy-you-will-be-with-the-right-one-love-quoteI was looking back on one of my past Facebook posts and it was about a date I had long before my current marriage. It was a coffee date and the man wanted me to interpret an often misunderstood portion of Scripture where women should not speak in the church nor teach men. The irony of it all was if I were to interpret it to this man it meant I was “teaching” him, right? I think his point to me at the time was he wanted to tell me, as a female, I should not be a minister. My reply to him was, if God had taken me through all of the things I had endured and then not have me talk about them then what was the point? (I think some forget that God does the calling not man).

It was only one of some very exasperating dates I had in my time. I got a first hand look at some of the cruelty out there in the world. It’s like I had a continual parade of those who ended up not being “the one”. I absolutely hated it. I think those years were some of the most hurtful ones I had in awhile. I feel blessed to be married, because in all honesty, dating really stinks! I did get a good glimpse of who is out there though. I have to say it was truly an education. My heart goes out to the dating world because there are so many who truly want a good mate and it sure is not easy. I shed a lot of tears during those years and finally came to the conclusion that dating was not for the weak. I think I never needed the power of God more than that time.

Seriously, I had so many lemons pass through my life that I was ready to just tell the next man he might as well just jump in and join the bunch. The amazing thing about it all was, what God wanted to happen, did happen, when I gave up the conquest! I can just hear God say, “Are you through yet”? What can I say, I gave it my best shot. Turning my dating life over to God was hard because having the sense of going through life alone is hard. It gets even harder when walking into a place to eat or into church and seeing couples with their arms all wrapped around each other. I used to wonder why I was stuck with the lemons.

Just when I was not looking, when life moved on, God took over the whole parade. I surrendered! It was hard, but I was left with no choice. I was too darned tired to even try any more. I had worn my nerves out to a nub and swore I should have joined a convent a long time ago! God had a different plan though. When I quit sizing up every man I met to see if he was “the one”, that is when God did what He does best. He took the wheel! I had to also give up the idea that there is a perfect “one” somewhere out there for me. The temptation when things are not working out is to begin to settle for the one who is so totally NOT the one! Then I also had to learn that even “the one” is not perfect, but he is perfect for me.

Every relationship is a lesson. Let me repeat this. EVERY relationship is a lesson. It’s supposed to be that way, because life is about relationship. Relationships show us our wounds and the areas we need to heal. Its a struggle for those of us who have endured a lot of painful experiences. When I look back, I am glad that God stepped back and allowed me to date a bag of lemons! I got a glimpse of those who were not for me, so I could learn to see who is, in a way God wanted me to see. Now I am married. Is life easy? NOPE! There are still things to learn, to weed out, to compromise on, and to understand. Actually the one God chose to have me settle down with has taught me the deepest lessons about love, marriage, and commitment. Lessons are hard, especially when we all want the good “in love” parts. I have those too, but they come with the other things as well!

Remember this while dating and also waiting for the right person to come along:

“Life is a mixed bag, and its full of nuts”!

Yep, there ya go! Dating 101 according to Pastor Jenine! PLEASE do not settle for the first one who gives you chills because he might be quite chilling later on. Get to know people and let God step into the process. Allow the Lord to teach you good discernment and grow as a person. Love and marriage is a wonderful thing but it is not always easy and the process of meeting different people can show you what type of person you can go through life with and what type you really should not. When it gets hard, step back and let God do a work in you. I’m thankful for those alone days of preparation now. Those days have given me wisdom and discernment. I’m still learning in my marriage, but I am learning with the one who can handle my past wounds and still love me. I am also learning with the one I can handle as well. I understand him.

You might just date a lot of lemons out there but bless the experience because it will teach you how to be with the right one. Stop looking for prince charming! He does not exist! Instead, be aware of the one who will be there for you when life becomes a three ring circus and you find yourself in the lion’s den. The one for you is the one who will love you when you are not lovely. He will be the one you will be there for even after he has just acted like a donkey’s behind and knows it!

I know this all sounds very lovely, huh? Its honest. Choosing a mate is a serious selection process that might make you feel like YOU are the nut! LOL. Don’t give up, it is still worth the ride!

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

**Photo courtesy of Her Campus

 

Don’t Allow Someone’s Rejection Define You!

beautiful-sky-with-mountains-in-the-distance_1232-718It’s pretty common for women who have been in an abusive relationship to continually place their worth and value outside of themselves. Part of the abuse cycle is practically begging the abuser to want you, and part of their abuse is to reject you. This is especially true if the abuser is a narcissist. I know this sounds sickening but they thrive on it and depend on your response to their neglect of your needs. It makes them feel powerful and in control. Then when you express what you need you have fallen into their trap. They can tell you how unreasonable you are, and to just be happy with what you have even though you feel neglected. Let me release you here. You are entitled to your own feelings even if no one else agrees with them. They are yours and if you feel hurt then no one can tell you that you are overreacting. You are a person of great value and your heart matters as well as how you express what is in it no matter how it comes out. (Meaning even with tears).

The best response in this situation is to agree with them. They are right. Your happiness, your value, and your worth do not depend on them or anyone else wanting you. Your beauty does not depend on anyone else expressing desire for you. I know it takes a lot to begin to truly believe this if you are in the habit of not believing it.

It can be very frustrating and humiliating to feel you need to constantly beg someone to love you when there is only so much they can give. It’s also very frustrating to wait on someone to express their devotion to you when that might not ever happen. Hear me. You don’t have to hang your hat on a wrack that won’t support it. Recognize that some people are limited when it comes to the compassion department. It’s not you, its them. Your part is allowing yourself to be sucked into the pattern over and over again. STOP.

Remember God supports you and loves you the way He made you. You might even “know this” but it has not sunk deep enough for you to truly believe it. Give yourself time. I am positive that if you work on this every single day you will begin to see how much you truly are worth without any one else’s affirmation. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Live out loud. Don’t keep things stifled inside of you or isolate yourself in your feelings. Talk to someone who will edify you and remind you who you are.
  2. Write down all of the things that are your strengths and go with those. Focusing on strengths can help you stop looking at what you perceive as weakness or what you feel is “not good enough”.
  3. Connect with others who deal with what you do and support, lift up, and edify each other. There is strength in numbers.
  4. Look up Scriptures in the Bible that remind you of your worth to God and post them everywhere so you can see them on a regular basis. Let the truth of them soak into you.
  5. I know this one is a weird one, but get mad at the situation enough to make a change for the better. Allow your hurt feelings and anger about bad treatment to propel you forward instead of inward.

Remember that your value in this world is off the charts. There is not even a large enough number to even come close to explaining it. God sees your value every day. Commit yourself to seeing it as well. If your heart is broken work on healing it with God and become stronger. This does not mean “hardened”. You don’t need to be hard hearted to be strong, but on the contrary you can be strong by giving of who you are to someone who truly wants all you have to give!

Finish these sentences: I am valuable because _______________________________________

My greatest strengths are ____________________________________________________________

My God given gift is/are ___________________________________________________________________

My love in this world is important because _________________________________________\

These are the people who need and appreciate me: _________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________

A Statement for You

“I will give my attention to those people and consider myself as a gift. I will release myself from the feeling that I have to beg someone to love, care, or appreciate me, no matter how much it hurts. I will let God heal those areas of my life.”

It takes some work on your part to overcome the affects of someone else’s neglect, abuse, or lack of appreciation, but you have this one! You can do this with God. Repeat:

“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.”

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

800-421-1765