All posts filed under: Relationship

Narcissistic Love Bombing: Have You Been Its Target?

I suppose before I start, for those who do not know, I should explain what “love bombing” is and why it is a part of relationship abuse cycles. Love bombing is something  someone who is a narcissist, or potential abuser, does in order to hook someone into a relationship very quickly with them. They do this by pouring out love and devotion way too soon during your connection. For instance, you meet someone and within a day they are “in love with you” and know you are the one they want the rest of their life. During love bombing you will get messages all day long, phone calls, emails, texts, and all of them will have undying devotion. Statements like “I know you are the one” or “I am going to marry you some day” will come out of them far before that person even knows you very well. You will receive complements, flowers, a continual connection, and all of your time will be consumed by this narcissistic person. You will be his/her love of …

What Happened to Friendship?

I can’t think of too many things more precious than a childhood best friend. You know the kind. We stick together no matter what. She is the best friend forever kind of friend and the one we can always count on to be knocking on our door ready for the next days adventure. Nothing is too sacred that it could not be shared, and every plan made had to include this best friend forever. If we are lucky, we go through quite a few years together; growing, learning, creating playful moments and sharing secrets. This friend knew our first crush, our favorite ice cream flavor and we knew hers. It’s priceless, innocent, and there is no reason to question if she cared if we were hurt or not because she always cared. It’s a child like innocent friendship the way God intended friendships to be. We trusted because there was never a reason given not to trust. It was unspoken that we guarded one another. They were more simple days back then, you know, childhood. …

Some Days I Just Want to Go Into a Closet and Chew On a Belt!

Have you ever experienced a relationship or friendship connection who will always take what you say the wrong way no matter what it is? Or, maybe you have experienced that one friend who is about to make the biggest mistake of her life, but to tell her would rip her heart out (or maybe yours)? The only option is to keep your lips sealed or forever be “that one” who was the “Debbie Downer” in her life party.  Its hard to be connected with very difficult people but in all honesty sometimes its hard to get away from that reality in this world. Frankly, we can all be a bit more difficult than we need to be at times. We all have our seasons. This truth should give us some much needed restraint when it comes to dealing with others, but sometimes thoughts just want to blurt out like a volcano erupting molten lava. Let me be completely transparent here. My greatest struggle is when I want to fix my significant other’s life issue. I …

When Differing Opinions Set Us Apart

Someone I knew a long time ago used to say “Opinions are like people’s behinds, everyone has one”. (I cleaned it up a bit for this post). It’s true. We all have an opinion and we could never ever possibly agree all of the time. The cool thing about our country is that we have freedom of speech and voicing our opinions is a real privilege. We should value that privilege because many don’t have it and we also might learn from others. Our differences should not divide us but inspire us to consider more. Maybe they should inspire us to consider other possible ways of thinking or even believing. When differences are excessive, then we might be way too different to hang around one another and setting ourselves apart is usually necessary. Sometimes our differences can just be one opinion or another though. Shutting those out will deny ourselves the gift of who we are  to one another and also in learning from each other. I’m so blessed when people don’t delete me when …

When You Date the “Lemon”

I was looking back on one of my past Facebook posts and it was about a date I had long before my current marriage. It was a coffee date and the man wanted me to interpret an often misunderstood portion of Scripture where women should not speak in the church nor teach men. The irony of it all was if I were to interpret it to this man it meant I was “teaching” him, right? I think his point to me at the time was he wanted to tell me, as a female, I should not be a minister. My reply to him was, if God had taken me through all of the things I had endured and then not have me talk about them then what was the point? (I think some forget that God does the calling not man). It was only one of some very exasperating dates I had in my time. I got a first hand look at some of the cruelty out there in the world. It’s like I had …

Don’t Allow Someone’s Rejection Define You!

It’s pretty common for women who have been in an abusive relationship to continually place their worth and value outside of themselves. Part of the abuse cycle is practically begging the abuser to want you, and part of their abuse is to reject you. This is especially true if the abuser is a narcissist. I know this sounds sickening but they thrive on it and depend on your response to their neglect of your needs. It makes them feel powerful and in control. Then when you express what you need you have fallen into their trap. They can tell you how unreasonable you are, and to just be happy with what you have even though you feel neglected. Let me release you here. You are entitled to your own feelings even if no one else agrees with them. They are yours and if you feel hurt then no one can tell you that you are overreacting. You are a person of great value and your heart matters as well as how you express what is …

Is Social Media and Technology Robbing Us?

Human connection and interaction is one of the staples of life.  Science has determined when people are denied human touch they slowly die from the inside out. It has also been found when a person receives a hug from another, the nurturing brain chemical oxytocin is released in the brain. This brings a sense of comfort, contentment, and happiness. I can’t help but marvel at the way our Creator has made us. We are born for interaction, community, relationship, and love. I am beginning to wonder if technology is taking a lot of that away from us. In some ways we are all connected more than we ever could have been without all of the modes of communication we have. Yet, in other ways I have to question if we are denying ourselves much needed human interaction and if we are losing the benefit of more personal modes of connection. Have you ever been instantly calmed by the sound of someone’s voice? I know that babies come to know the voices of their parents and …