Blame is one of the most destructive things a person can do to a relationship. Let me ask you a question. How many times have you had an argument with your significant other and found yourself passionately stating, “It’s all your fault! If you had not ______, we would not be in this mess!” Or, “You are the one who started it!” Honestly, sometimes it really IS their fault, right? (Let’s confess, it can be our fault!)
Just so you don’t feel alone, I want to tell you that blame is as old as humanity itself. Wasn’t it Eve who told God that it was the SERPENT who was at fault for her eating of the forbidden tree? Didn’t Adam then tell God that it was the WOMAN who gave him the fruit and he did eat?
Genesis 3: 12 “The man said, “The woman you put here with me–she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
Genesis 3:13 “Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”…
Notice that God did not ask Eve what the serpent had done but what Eve had done. It’s not that the serpent was not a huge instigator in the whole ordeal but we are supposed to have control over our own responses. Here are some ways to NOT rock your fault line when you find yourself in the heat of a passionate discussion.
- God warns us to be slow to speak- Sometimes we find that later on we have said things we really wish we had not. In order to avoid this we need to be slow to speak and to mull things over before we open our mouths. A whole lot of fault flinging can be avoided if we just learn this practice!
- Consider your spouse first before you respond. Ask God for insight into the other side of things first before you reply.
- Kick blame to the curb. Nothing EVER is resolved when we are aiming to blame. Think before you speak!
- See things from both points of view before coming to any conclusions. There might be circumstances you don’t see as of yet.
- Love come first, so put your love for the other person first. This is a huge one to bring a faster attitude adjustment.
- Your spouse might be WRONG and actually caused the issue, but working together to resolve it is better than the fault flinging way. You can save yourself a whole lot less distress if you realize this and practice patience in conversation.
- Remember, you and your spouse are ONE flesh in God’s eyes. If you hurt the other than you will be hurt as well.
Fault finding NEVER solves an issue. It only makes it worse. It also demeans the other into feeling like they are less of a person. Attitude is everything! You might even find yourself getting your own way if a bit of diplomacy is used! Stranger things have happened ya know?
(On a sideline. Trying to cast the devil out of your spouse is NOT going to make things go more smoothly! It only tends to make the other more offended!) Just sayin’.
If you keep rocking the fault line in your relationship and marriage then you NEED some prayer!
Father, please give me a spirit of serenity during passionate discussions. Help me to see both sides of a situation before I open my mouth. Please remind me to consider that I am here to serve my spouse as he is to serve me. We are ONE flesh and when we hurt one another no one ever wins. Help me to bridle my tongue and to learn to release blessing in my speech! In Jesus’ name! Amen !
Dump the blame game 😉
Pastor Jenine Marie Howry
800-421-1765 for prayer message line! Its all confidential !
PLEASE FORWARD MY BLOG TO A FRIEND TO SUBSCRIBE! I AM WORKING TOWARD 10,000 SUBSCRIBERS IN THE NEXT YEAR! GOD BLESS YOU!
** Image from Return of Kings