This can be a very complicated issue. I’ve heard it said there are three ways to look at this, your way, his way, and God’s way! Before answering the question in the title, there are a few things we need to discern first.
- Do they have mutual children together?
- Are their communications up front and do they include you?
- How often do they communicate?
- What form of communication do they use and is it always away from you?
Let’s deal with these four for now.
- If they have mutual children together then of course they need to be in one another’s lives. If the children are grown adults, maybe not as much. If they are not then they might need to talk fairly often. As long as it has to do with the children and their issues then there is every reason for them to communicate. But, YOU should be included in the communication. After all, you are a step mother and the interest of the children are also your concern.
- If their communications are up front and they always include you and you are fine with this then there really should not be a problem. A lot of women are friends with their husbands ex wives because they have been included in the friendship from the beginning and their husband never is connected with her without his wife. If this is mutually agreed upon then as long as things are going smoothly there is no problem. If communications are strained, you are not involved in them, there are emotional issues that still come up quite often between them, or a husband seems to want to text, call, Facebook, email, or talk often without his wife, this is ADULTERY and an emotional affair.
- If your husband is communicating with is ex wife quite often without you there is cause for great concern. In God’s view when a man gives his ex wife a part of the attention his wife should have then this is also adultery. A husband and a wife are one flesh and they should act together within the context of that union. The ex wife is no longer a part of that and should never share emotional issues with your husband. They are now divided and she is either on her own or has a new relationship. It is time for her to figure her own life out. Your husband is NOT her “go to man” when problems crop up. It is very disrespectful to a wife when her husband and ex come together to work out emotional or even practical issues. Those things belong to the marriage alone.
- It is completely inappropriate for your husband and his ex wife to text, email, call, or talk on social media without you. This is emotional cheating regardless to what the topic of conversation is. Some may feel this is no cause for alarm. Most of those who think this have a bad marriage or have no marriage intimacy at all. Consider what is right for your marriage regardless of others opinions. It is NOT progressive to include an ex in a marriage nor to allow a husband to keep his ex on the side line of your relationship. It is cheating and disrespectful, plain and simple.
I will add this one. If YOU are uncomfortable with your husbands ex wife being in his life, and there are no mutual children or reason for them to connect, then it is greatly disrespectful of both of them to talk as friends without you. A wife comes first in a husbands life and it should happen without question. If the ex is in the way, the ex has to go, PERIOD.
Marriage is a sacred vow and covenant with God. God takes a marriage very seriously and He frowns on those who interfere. Interference with a marriage is an act of Satan , not God, regardless of whom it comes through. It causes a great deal of distress and hurt feelings. If this is happening, you need to pray for your marriage now or get help from an outside counseling source.
If you cherish your marriage, do as God has instructed in His word, to keep the marriage bed holy. This means that outsiders must emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically stay OUT of the marital covenant!
Obedience has its rewards! If you want God to bless you, obey Him! Please feel free to comment as you are lead. I know this is a touchy subject for many.
Pastor Jenine Marie Howry
If you need prayer for a marital issue, please call and leave a message for a prayer call back!