Before you read this, I want to warn you. I am going to be blatantly honest in this post. If you can’t handle some direction, correction, or Godly truth, then turn back around and click out of this whole blog. I hope I have been tactful enough in what you are about to read. The warning still remains that this post is going to be honest and I want to speak directly to you, if I may.
Women have an amazing ability to establish loyalty and very healing alliances. We love to commune in circles with one another, shoot the breeze, enlighten each other, and give prayerful support. We are the nurturers of this world. Shoot, we are darned amazing! There is no doubt about that.
But, some decisions we might make are just plain stupid when it comes to diplomacy, building trust among each other, and remaining in respect of personal boundaries. I’m going to speak to some of those situations where boundaries can be crossed if I may. As you read them, if this is not you, then kudos! I send to you a warm hug, but still invite you to read on because someone you know just might need one of them. I hope that they minister as much as they are honest. I won’t apologize for them. I have witnessed these things among us as women and I feel they are important enough to be as honest as I can.
Here they are. Happy reading!
Do not advise, direct, Bible study, become a listening ear, or commiserate with our husbands without us present or knowing about it. Did I just go there? Let me put God in first place on this one because, after all, He created marriage and is the final authority on what He created. God intended on the union between man and woman to be not just a physical one, but emotional, mental, financial, and spiritual one. In the act of marriage we promise one another to stand beside each other no matter what. This means, we determine what our beliefs are, hash out our own marital differences, and have in one another a sacred confidant and friend. Hear me roar on this one woman! We do NOT need you to become a sounding board on issues with our husbands that we need to work out with them ourselves! We do NOT need your spiritual direction, emotional reflections, or your support of any sense of broken feelings our husbands might be having. To do so is to insight adultery and is a violation of everything marriage is about. So, unless you want to face God Himself with this one, back off honey! Regardless to how innocent you might think things are, God does not condone your interruption in another woman’s relationship. Think about this for a moment. Would YOU want someone to spend private time with your husband, especially when things can sometimes be hard? Also, if you are single, what now makes you an authority on someones marriage? If you are not a licensed marriage and family counselor then keep your therapy to yourself. Please do not go where you are not invited by both husband AND wife.
Do not flirt with our husband while serving us in public. Women are territorial beings. We can’t help it, we have been created that way. God created us to guard our marriages, families, and close social units. It has been this way since the beginning of time, so before you call us jealous, hear me roar here! We do not appreciate your special attention to our spouse and although we might politely sit there enduring your captivation time, it does not mean we are liking it! Professional Christian speaker Beth Moore once put it this way, “If you think you want to mess with my man, I’m gonna want to try to pull your arm off at the neck, or die trying. Do you know what I am saying here”? (Thank you Beth, we love you for your candid and often humorous honesty)! It is so true though. Honestly, if you know what is good for you, back off sister! I mean, really.
Do not put down our choices in clothing, style, or make up artistry. We are entitled to our own choices. This is the amazing thing about the diversity of our existence. As much as we often don’t realize it, our choices reflect our insides as much as our outsides. There is not a woman alive who won’t think your comments are hurtful and distasteful to her as a person. We do not need your advice unless we ask for it. Don’t we deal with enough coming at us from society and how women are put on display? Do we really need to pick each other apart too? I recall not long ago I had to run down to Walmart to pick up a few things. It was about 90 degrees out I think. (Ok, maybe it was cooler, but my hot flashes are always set at 90)! I was wearing a pair of jeans that went to my knees, a tank top, and sandals. I want to place emphasis on this part right here and now. In no way was too much showing, and nothing was inappropriate! Yes, I have arms and they were showing. In all honesty in this day and age I think the teachings on modesty go a bit too far. We live in the 21 st century. We all know we have arms and legs, and sometimes it is just warm enough we allow them to show! Anyway, a woman and her son were at the freezer section that I was exploring. She looked at me with glaring eyes and then in a tone of voice I could not help but hear, she told her son, “Don’t ever date or marry a woman like that”! I was aghast and had to remind myself that I am not only a Christian but a called Pastor! I bit my lip for just a moment. I want to tell you, it was hard to not say something! Ladies, first of all lets honor each others choices here! I mean, come on, is it really that important to you to monitor how the world dresses? I do agree that this world does have a problem with sometimes revealing too much, we all have a choice. I had to honor this woman in Walmart and her choice as to what to teach her son and she really should have honored me enough to talk to him aside from allowing me and everyone else in Walmart to hear. Have we become so shallow as women that we have to make things so much harder on one another?
Do not correct our children for us! I want to take this one back to the territorial truth. Our children have been gifted to us and us alone. We love that you might care about them or even have some strong concern. But, we do NOT want you to correct them for us. Your place is in your own home with your own children to raise. If you have none, then by all means create some and join our motherly club. If we are not abusing our children then your business is in your own family and not ours. Now, if you see something that might be harmful to our kids or others and need to talk to us about it, then by all means use your tact and do so. We all should look out for one another. Otherwise, and I will put this as tactful as I can, “Mind your own business”! This is as Godly and honest as I can make it. Sometimes a little truth goes a long way. Fellow moms everywhere will thank you.
I do honestly hope you survived this post with everything in tact. I hope you nodded in recognition to some of it too. They are only a few things, but I felt they were pretty important to make them stand out in this one post. Its all in love and all in the spirit of helping us as women empower each other and to stop putting one another down or crossing each others boundaries. We all do have boundaries and if there is any doubt in your mind about them; then why not ask? After all, good communicators have won Nobel peace prizes! What legacy do you want to leave as a woman in this society?
In honest love,
Pastor Jenine Marie Howry
Jenine Marie Coaching
**Photo credit: Psychology Today