I had to write this blog today. At first I thought, “I’m not feeling as good as I usually do so maybe I better wait”. Then I thought, “No, it is too important and if I wait I will censor my own thoughts”. I woke this morning with my gut absolutely churning. I can’t stand that feeling! I grabbed my cup of coffee and sat for awhile just looking out the window. Lately life has been in a holding pattern. It is not forever, and soon things will be resolved, but in the mean time waiting has been hard. I thought maybe this was what has been bothering me but as I meditated upon the churning inside me, I realized that something else is going on.
I found myself praying, “Search my heart, oh Lord”. I needed to understand the restless feeling inside of me. Life has been so happy lately and for the most part very smooth sailing. I certainly have no reason to complain because I have been blessed with so many reasons to rejoice. I went through the process of being grateful for all of the blessings God has given to me knowing that gratitude is a powerful healer just in the way it shifts a person’s focus. Yet, there was more going on than I realized and it had to surface in me.
After some pondering I realized I was still struggling with who accepts the way I believe and who does not. This is hard because we all want to fit in with others and be accepted as we are. It’s a basic human need. Unfortunately we are not always accepted and our beliefs can be scorned. The human part of me struggles with not caring about what others think or say with caring deeply because it feels like rejection. Over and over I have expressed to people around me to do what God has gifted them to do; that we are all unique. Our joy depends on it. It is not always as easy as that statement, and believe me, I know this. It is hard to watch others walk away because of our beliefs. Letting them go graciously is also hard. We are human and our hearts can be fragile. There is no easy way of dealing with this. Letting go will have its grieving moments.
This is “where the rubber meets the road” though; we can never completely please everyone because everyone around us has different beliefs and opinions of what is right and wrong in life. To even try will rip us apart. Bottom line, we need to do what God says is right for us and let go of all that disapproves. We tend to attract toward us those who are like us and repel those who are not like us. It is a major law of God’s created universe. Like it or not, this is the way it goes. It is a standard and it will not change no matter how much we might want to not accept this. Even within this, we are all still unique in many ways, but for the things that are life changing, we attract who we are and what we desire to be if our resolve is strong enough. As a result we will watch others leave us or become less prominent. This is God’s way of empowering our dreams. He will naturally give to us those who are supportive of our own destiny. Like it or not, there will be those whose destiny does not match and they will leave us.
I pondered this truth this morning. Somehow going over it again made it easier to stand up again with more determination. It seemed a whole lot easier to wave good bye to what does not support me if I took the emotion out of it all. I took a deep sigh this morning, realizing that it will all be alright. God will faithfully bring the right support to me when I am willing to let go of trying to hold on to those who will not do this. I heard Him “speak” to me, “You do not live for them, you live for Me, and I know what is best. Trust Me”.
I know I have reached a point in life where God wants to give to me “more depth of understanding”, as Paul revealed to the church. The scriptures are not all black and white for me, but have truths that have become such deeply integrated wisdom. Not everyone is meant to understand what it all means to me. It is miraculously and almost magically personal.
I guess I have said all of this to state that if God is directing you toward new knowledge of things in life, to new areas of your personal destiny, then listen to Him and go with what He has designed for you. Trust that He will provide to you all that supports you, including the right people who do. Don’t be so concerned about letting go of things that no longer serve your future goals, but rejoice in the God given freedom you have to make a choice that suits you. Life is too short to struggle in the mud when God wants to shower you with an empowered life filled with wonder and discovery!
Rev Jenine Marie Howry